Family Matters
“Dr. Urkel & Mr. Cool”
November 12th 1993
Stefan Urquelle is not to be taken lightly. He is a force. A force of nature. A force of swagger. A force that arrived in the 5th season. This was actually more shocking to me upon reflection. He actually showed up relatively late in the game. They had made it 5 whole seasons riding on a wave of Urkel accidents, high water pants and catch phrases. He was HUGE. He had a dance. He had a doll. He had everybody in the palm of his teenage hands. But that wasn’t enough. He wanted to grow up.
Enter Stefan
He was the result of a potion that Urkel would drink and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Lets get to the SHITS!!!!!!!
This opening scene has absolutely nothing to do with Stefan or the plot line. I just needed this wig to be witnessed by more than just me.
Steve decides he wants to be cool and as a result he concocts a mixer of chemicals to alter his DNA. This is the most wildly dangerous thing that I can think of someone to do for the sake of being cool BUT to be fair, I probably would’ve done everything short of this to be considered one of the cool kids in my school. As a side note he did it to impress a girl that for the most part berated him for years despite his undying love. This is a wild concept on the surface but also within the realm of a young uncool person.
I didn’t even factor in the idea of puberty and all of its mental and physical effects. By all accurate accounts, Steve was a ticking time bomb. Stefan needed to happen for the sake of everyone near him.
And just like that. One seizure, a deeper voice, and calling her “sweet thang” Laura reveals herself as the superficial THOT that she is. #TeamMyra
Now it’s time for a party, and judging by the amount of mom jeans on men and vests in attendance this one is off the proverbial chain. Stefan hasn’t shown up yet, but he’s already got groupies going wild waiting for him. From what I can tell he has only existed for one day, but he already has a loyal following of teenage girls anticipating his arrival.
Laura’s friend KC is truly losing her mind about this man. I personally worried about what kind of voodoo he has used on these people and whether it is reversible.
Stefan is here and he is in a white suit, a polka dot vest, a combed pair in his hair and wearing sunglasses at night. If this doesn’t scream a specific brand of cool in the early 90’s then I don’t know what does. The suspension of disbelief is strong within the Family Matters universe. There were things that we allowed to continue for many years that you just wouldn’t allow on other shows. Steve was a neighbor that caused hundreds of thousands of property damage to their neighbors home, that had a transformation chamber that changed his DNA to take on any personality trait he desired… BUT claiming this was universally cool is a bridge too far. This was sitcom cool. This was what kids that flipped through magazines thought cool was, but had never seen in person to judge for themselves. Despite all of that, this was an epic moment in television history.
He’s been here for 24 seconds and has made a person faint like it’s a Michael Jackson concert.
He just tossed a handkerchief in the air random teenage girls a rushing it like a hat thrown at a Michael Jackson concert.
At this point Stefan has kissed an unconscious girl to wake her, and eyeballed and pursued his main costar so hard that I thought it was the Michael Jackson “The Way You Make Me Feel” video… Leaving Neverland really messed up my head. No more MJ references. I promise.
Presumably Stefan is so cool that he makes up handshakes while he is doing them and people feel embarrassed for not knowing them even though they never existed before. He is literally a superhero at this point.
Here’s where things seriously go off the rails. Stefan even hits on Harriet Winslow. He just hit on the mother of his girlfriend in the middle of the party directly in front of her father. These levels of cockiness should never be reached in reality.
Here’s where they lost me. He’s now doing a dance routine with Laura to “This Is For The Cool In You” by Babyface. A couple things here:
1. Babyface music isn’t cool.
2. THIS is the coolest thing associated to Babyface’s music.
3. Nobody dances to Babyface music. They stand still and wait quietly until the elevator doors open like normal human beings.
A show about a nerd changing his DNA to become cool, and the most unrealistic part is smiling faces while dancing to Babyface.
And now he’s hit pay dirt. Stefan is now making out with the woman of Steve’s dreams in the middle of a party of his peers. He has achieved ultimate high school cool supremacy.
Look at Waldo’s face. This literally says all that needs to be said.
With all of the male problematic behavior up to this point, Laura sexually assaulting Stefan after overheating is acceptable.
Stefan has started to work on Laura’s nerves. Apparently someone obsessed with being so cool doesn’t have much room for empathy.
One of Carl’s Chicago PD friends got shot for “no reason” on the job. Back when this first aired this might’ve been a serious moment for me. In today’s climate I just assume that it was some dirty cop stuff gone wrong. Either way, Stefan cares about this news about as much as I do right now. He doesn’t.
Now Stefan has to explain to the woman that called him into existence why it is that he is the way he is. I’m not gonna say that this feels typical…. I’m just gonna let you say it and I’m gonna move forward.
And here is where he serves his last ounce of game. He pulls out the “if I don’t have you I have nothing” line. He turns back into Steve and everybody presumably pretends he never existed until the show is looking for another ratings boost.
That’s it. It’s over. Just that fast the coolest teenager ever on early 90’s television is gone. He always returned though, but it never landed this hard. He’s proposed to Laura during a nighttime parade in Disney World. He’s joined New Edition on stage during a surprise visit performing “Break Me Off”. He’s even become a world-famous model. Nothing hit as hard as him doing a dance performance at a party in the Winslow’s living room.
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